Shaping Who You Become: Three Decisions That Changed Everything
We often talk about career transitions as if they were carefully planned moves on a chess board. Some people might do that, but the reality is often messier.
Looking back at my journey from developer to leader to coach, three decisions stand out. Not because they were obviously correct at the time, but because each forced me to reimagine who I was - and who I could become.
This is the story of those three decisions.
Dropping Out and Moving East
In 2012, I made a decision that seemed crazy to everyone around me. I dropped out of university and moved to Beijing to start working as an Android developer at a startup. This was definitely not a thought through move. I hardly even knew how to build Android apps at the time. All I knew was that I felt a curiosity that I just had to follow.
The opportunity came through what seemed like pure luck. A friend met a recruiter while backpacking in Asia. She asked if he knew any Android developers. He mentioned my name. But here’s the thing - it wasn’t just luck.
While my classmates had been talking about programming in general, I had been talking specifically about Android development. I had picked a niche and started telling a story about myself before I had fully lived it. Without realizing it, I was creating opportunities by shaping how people saw me.
This became one of my key stories when I returned to Sweden. I’m convinced it’s why I landed every consulting gig I went after. But more importantly, it taught me something I still use today: the power of picking your story before you feel ready.
As I build my coaching business now, I tell everyone I coach first-time CTOs transitioning from individual contributors to strategic leaders. I’m not waiting until I have it all figured out. I’m building the brand while building the career.
From Solo to Symphony
A couple of years after moving back to Sweden, I faced another pivotal choice. I had built a comfortable freelance practice, charging premium rates for my Android development skills. Then came an opportunity to join forces with another developer (John) and his friend who liked sales (Simon).
My first response was visceral: “Hell no!” Why give up my freedom to work with people I barely knew? I had a good thing going - building apps at solid rates with almost no overhead. The idea of sharing revenue felt like a step backward.
But something familiar stirred as I kept talking with John and Simon. That same curiosity I’d felt before moving to Beijing. Could we build something bigger together? Something none of us could create alone?
The early days tested this vision immediately. We barely survived our first six months, stumbling through mistake after mistake. But here’s what made the difference: we talked about everything. Not just the day-to-day problems, but our twenty-year vision. Why we wanted to build a company. What success looked like. Not just for the company, but for each of us individually.
This early clarity became our superpower. Yes, we still made plenty of mistakes after those first six months. But when you’re aligned on the big picture, solving problems becomes infinitely easier. You’re not just fixing issues - you’re building toward a shared vision.
The Identity Shift
In the summer of 2019, everything came crashing down. One ordinary day at Spotify, where I was consulting while running Devies, a simple Slack message about vacation days sent me spiraling. The company had been growing, but I hadn’t grown fast enough to keep up. I found myself curled up in bed, overwhelmed by a sense of not being enough.
It took nine more months of struggling - trying to be the founder I thought I should be - before I could admit the truth: Devies wasn’t the place for me anymore. The company was successful by any objective measure, but I was failing myself by staying.
This was perhaps the hardest decision of all, because it meant letting go of an identity I had carefully built. Who would I be if I wasn’t The Founder? What would people think? I had spent years telling the story of building Devies. It had become more than just what I did - it was who I was.
The identity crisis that followed was intense. But as the dust settled, I discovered something unexpected. The void created by letting go of “founder” became a space for rediscovering my curiosity. Without the pressure to be someone specific, I could explore who I wanted to become.
I started angel investing, bringing my operational experience to other founders. I took on a CTO role, applying lessons from both success and failure. I began writing, sharing what I’d learned. Each new role wasn’t a replacement for my old identity - it was an expansion of who I could be.
The lesson? Sometimes the hardest part of growth isn’t learning new skills - it’s unlearning who you think you should be. The very thing that got you here might be what’s holding you back from where you need to go.
Writing Your Next Chapter
Looking back at these three moments, I see a pattern I wish I had recognized sooner. Each time, the real challenge wasn’t the external change - moving countries, starting a company, or selling my shares. The real work was internal.
The path forward isn’t always clear. Sometimes you have to drop everything and move to Beijing to find it. Sometimes you have to bet on others before you feel ready. And sometimes the space between who you were and who you’ll become feels like falling - until you realize it’s actually flying.
Today, as I coach CTOs through their own transformations, I see these same patterns. The technical challenges are rarely the real challenge. The hardest struggle is the one inside - shedding who you were to become who you want to be.
This isn’t unique to technical leaders. Every significant growth requires us to let go of old identities to make space for new ones. To actively choose who we become, rather than letting circumstances choose for us.
So remember: Your story isn’t just something that happens to you. It’s something you actively shape. The question isn’t just “what should I do next?” but “who do I need to become?”
